Soccer Doesn’t Have to Suck So Hard

Hooray

I played soccer when I was younger. Always a fullback, which was ok with me. Defense is righteous. (You’re gonna score on my team? Not with busted shins, you’re not) But the game was boring. Often scoreless. 90 Minutes of my life that was totally fruitless. Sure, I’d have a bit of an all right time getting the ball back to the other side of the field, and then it was just tedium. I’d be standing near the mid-field line watching our forwards and halfbacks perpetually stymied. The ball would get knocked out of bounds over and over. There was an occasional shot on goal, deflected or caught. Man, as bad as it was to play, it was even worse to watch. Total frustration without catharsis.

I’ve been down this road before. But it took close friends (and a couple six-packs) to really drill down on what makes this game suck so hard:

YOU CAN’T USE YOUR HANDS.

Far from being a creative quirk, this is just the dumbest idea in sporting history. What other sports out there would be as interesting without the use of hands? For example…

Boxing
No hands boxing

Motorcycle racing
No hands biking

Fencing
star-wars5-movie-screencaps.com-13014

Pole Vaulting
Polevault no hands
Also bad pole vaulting

You get the point. But I haven’t even drilled down to the number one, worst part about soccer: the Drama Queens.

Suarez-diving-560x350

soccer_peekaboo

Awful dive

Another awful dive

If they would just man up and carry Wolverine knives and Pole axes, it’d be a decent game. Would definitely temper the riot-potential of disgruntled fans.

Since that’ll never happen, we’re offering a satisfying alternative to brooding over “That Ludicrous Display Last Night“, and we’re putting Angry Ghosts up for free download, permanently. Interested readers will find an Easter Egg on the Cadre One Publishing site that links to the full book pdf.
(Need we mention the book is still copywritten? Please, no reselling or plagiarism, but you can download and share as much as you like.)

We’re also making Angry Ghosts for Kindle free for the next five days, starting June 30th and running through July 4th.

From all of us at Cadre One Publishing, have a safe and riot-free Independence Day!

-FAF

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.