Author Rejects Multi-Million Dollar Contract

You may’ve heard how it’s hard to earn a living in publishing. Well, it is. That’s why we were amazed to learn our author turned up his nose at a $2.3M 3-book/movie deal. And that he failed to mention this to us. Naturally, we were a tad curious…

C.O.P.: So. Nice weather today, yeah?

Farnham: Heh?

C.O.P.: Weather. Nice.

Farnham: I like it a bit warmer, actually, and the snow thing is getting…

C.O.P.: Heard you got an offer.

Farnham: Offer? If you call something that would ruin my entire way of life an offer, then…

C.O.P.: Sounded interesting.

Farnham: Interesting… Now there’s a word that doesn’t apply. Bunch of tie-choked bore-machines. Stale as the pizza in my couch.

C.O.P.: (Drumming fingers) Not them. What they had to say.

Farnham: Like I said. Boring.

C.O.P.: So you like how you’re living, then? Satisfied with the accomodations? Comfy?

Farnham: What, I’m just gonna let success descend on its leathery wings and scoop me off into wealth and security? Hah!

C.O.P.: You might want to consider it, at least…

Farnham: NO WAY. You think I could stand to have my coffee served by a live-in servant? You think I could endure not idling in traffic by having a flying car? You got another thing coming. I KNOW what’s good for me.

C.O.P.: Clearly.

Farnham: Oh, was that sarcasm? Let me tell you something about SARCASM…

Farnham continued his manic rant until we clubbed him like a baby seal, peeled his skin, and wore his flesh suit to the contract negotiation. We were already quite good at signing his name. All we needed to complete the impersonation was a crooked grin and caffeine palpitations. Thanks to our Vegas contact, the offer was bumped to $2.7M.

Be looking for the re-release of Angry Ghosts and Black Hawks followed by the upcoming Exhausted Dead this winter. The straight to video movies will initially be released in China under the series title, Everyone’s Dead 1, 2, and 3.

It’s too bad Farnham will never know Keanu Reaves will play the part of Thompson. He always admired Reaves as an actor…

-C.O.P.

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